Surviving the Apocalypse For Insane Dummies
by ExistentialBeliever
Summary: Welcome to the apocalyptic world of Devil Survivor 2, where the world laid in ruin and humanity left to fend for itself. This manual will provide you with techniques to live off this hostile environment as told through the insane, the hilarious, and the utterly chaotic first-hand experience of those who managed to survive and thrive in this desperate time.
1. Supply Procurement

**Disclaimer: Devil Survivor 2 is the property of Atlus and thus I do not own any of their characters. Anyway, onward to the story.**

* * *

**Introduction**

Hiro: Congratulation on deciding to consult your handbook into surviving this post-apocalyptic world. I, Hiro Kageyama, will be your guide through and here's our guest for the chapter, Jungo.

Jungo: Hmmm, chawanmushi is almost ready…Would you like some?

Hiro: Not now. In this chapter, we'll teach how to procure supplies and-

Jungo: Try it.

Hiro: Later…and preserve those precious resources for future uses. Of course, foods are something of utmost and immediate-

Jungo: Just a bite.

Hiro: Can't you see I'm in the middle of something here? Wait, where was I?

Jungo: Have a taste. This is when it's the tastiest.

Hiro: Look, you say it's the tastiest, but this chawanmushi is the same thing that you've been serving us, since like forever…actually, why don't you try to add some more dimensions to it like…

Jungo: Hiro, your smile seems evil all of a sudden.

Hiro: Don't mind me. Don't mind me. Something just crossed my mind. Wouldn't you happen to agree that **that the readers would very much enjoy being a hunter than a scavenger**?

Jungo: I'm not sure, if I…

Hiro: Hush, let's just say that we're going to spike that chawanmushi of yours with some very special ingredient…

** JPs Tokyo Branch (Common Area) - 7.30AM**

It started out as a random idea, seemingly harmless but nonetheless crazy.

_Today, we should consider the option of eating demons_.

Wearing an entirely serious expression, Hiro Kageyama announced their daily plan during breakfast.

A few seconds for the fact to sink in and his companions were thrown into an uproar. Their reactions, ranging from Airi's "You sicko!" to Daichi's "Hell no, dude," seemed to stand united in vetoing the idea.

It was the first time he saw them unified toward a single cause with such passion. Honestly, it almost scary to stand on the opposite side.

In the end, feeling that he would rather not continue the day with Airi's footprint on his face, the idea ended up being scrapped to the basket as a joke.

But it was far too soon to give up.

"Hmmm, what to do? What to do?" Pacing around the common area in the JPs headquarter, Hiro voiced his thought aloud.

It wasn't like the JPs had an infinite or, at least, sustainable amount of ration to spare.

The storage size came up as one major challenge. Despite having their finger roped into probably every major private and governmental organization before the disaster struck, there was only so much supplies that the JPs could keep in stockpile without having to convert their entire headquarters into warehouses.

Food was more of a concern, being more perishable than the others basic sustenance. After six or seven years, having all the food in the world before the invasion wouldn't do them any good. The fresh ones would have been spoilt by then. The dried and canned ones would eventually follow.

No matter how careful JPs could or would be, there was a time limit slapped on their every supply case. The clock was ticking and who knows how long before the calamity would be over and humanity could normally resume food production. It wasn't like they could start tilling field in the jungle of concrete that was Tokyo.

The better option on hand would be to go with the more plentiful food source, in the other words, demons. If all would go well, a systematic hunting could provide a solution for the wide-spread starvation among the general populace. Convincing the rest, however, would prove to be a challenge.

He needed a plan, something to make the other share his viewpoint.

But, first, he had to find an accomplice. Luckily, he happened to know where.

**Shinjuku City Plaza (Tokyo) - 9.00 AM**

With another hour lost to recruit a reluctant Jungo and a grumbling Keita, the three set out on their hunt, armed with only bare fists, survival instinct…and a horde of bloodthirsty demons.

After working through a list of potentially "edible" prey, they'd concluded that it was best to avoid any humanoid demon and instead opt for one that resemble ordinary animal, so that the shock from the transition wouldn't be too strong.

Soon enough, they had their eyes fixed on the first target, a hare-like demon that was prowling the street of Tokyo.

Its appearance suggested harmlessness, but Hiro knew better than to underestimate these Hare of Inaba. One swift kick to Daichi's face in the past was enough to warn him that no mercy could or should be spared to these little critters.

The danger was all the more apparent when their target walked amidst two other Tenong Cuts.

_Not something we couldn't handle, but I doubt our stomach could happen to digest a ghost._

"…We'll go in as plan. Jungo, Keita, both of you will circle around at the opposite side and initiate the fight with those Tenong Cuts. The hare would be forced to run toward me and I'll immobilize it for capture. Any question?"

"Are you kidding? A roundabout way is only for weaklings!" Without waiting for any objection, Keita rushed into the fight head on.

Two demons came to gang up on him at once, although luckily the hare had yet to join the fight.

…_That insufferable bastard…_

The Hare of Inaba was quick on their feet and would often run away when situation is not to their favor and it took a nerve of steel not to run away while watching its friend getting pummeled.

If at all possible, Hiro would rather not have his lunch running away and rushed into the fray.

_Good, it was still preoccupied with Keita..._

Drawing on his energy, Hiro waited until he'd reach the effective range and released the spell.

_Paral Eyes_!

The hare immediately stiffened as the attack struck its weakness and dropped to the ground as a wave of paralysis overtook its body.

Soon enough, Keita finished off his opponents and was yelling at Jungo for an attempt to interfere. As unsociable as the boxer could be, his fighting ability alone had made it a good decision to recruit him.

When all became quiet once again, Hiro approached his fallen prey and took a deep breath to steel himself. In his hand was a large cleaver he'd snatched from the kitchen.

It was natural, something transcribed into the instinct by his many distant ancestors. There was nothing wrong…just butchering an ordinary animal to feed his stomach.

"Wait, wait! Don't hurt me please…"

_Oh, right…These guys can talk._

"You have no idea how bad it is to be skinned alive by sharks and now I'm going being eaten by a bunch of humans? Just spare a little pity for this tiny little rabbit…Please…" The hare pleaded, its voice pitifully weak.

_Honestly, I would prefer to meet the skinned version and save myself from a lot of guilt._

"Hiro, just let him go…" Jungo muttered with downcast eyes. "…I feel sorry for him."

"What are you saying, you moron, sparing a loser like this?" Keita apparently disagreed and, thus, the decision fell to Hiro.

"Pleeeassseee…." The rabbit begged harder with tearful eyes.

…Feeling that he would lose whatever human compassion remaining if he should bring down the cleaver, Hiro shook his head in defeat.

"Yeah, just let him go."

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you for sparing this little-"

"…Just go quietly."

Hiro sighed, exasperated.

He might really be forced to turn vegetarian, if he was had to listen to the hare's shrill begging for a second longer.

_Great job, guilty conscience, you've done a damned fine job of letting my lunch walk away._

**Sengakuji , Shinagawa (Tokyo) - 9.30 AM**

The recent failure forced the three men to another discussion where a new "cuteness" factor had to be considered, eliminating more from their list of potentially edible and now "huntable" demon. Halfway during which Keita left the party, citing the reason of them being such a wuss.

Regardless of the decrease in the combat strength of their team, Hiro was determined to continue his plan.

"Before we're going after our next target, we should recap all the conditions we have…First, humanoid is a no…"

_For good reason, unless I would want to turn our group into a horde of cannibal_

"Next, anything can appear cute or defenseless is a not option as well…"

_No way, guilty conscience, I won't let you mess with my meat-eating habit._

"Anything that doesn't resemble a living organism goes without saying."

_Would anyone like an Ubelluris salad with a taste that is guaranteed to break your teeth? Probably not._

"So basically our list ends up with… all the hideous and creepy leftovers."

"…It's a progress. At least, we know what to hunt this time."

"Agreed, let just hope that we'll be successful. Demons often gather around Sengakuj. If we wait it out here, sooner or later we are bound to find something."

"Hmmm…Perhaps that one would be good."

Jungo's pointed finger led directly to a Legion was drifting lazily along the ground.

Taking another look at the demon, Hiro was somewhat skeptical.

"You're sure?" Hiro knew that none of the available demon look so appealing, but that didn't mean that have go for the extreme and choose this worst possible abomination.

_Not humanoid… Check._

_Fleshy organic mound…Check._

_Cannot appear cute or defenseless…Check._

_Ugly enough to destroy appetite…Double check._

Jungo, on the other hand, was confident. "It looks fresh…"

"…and dripping slime, I might add…"

_Bah! It does look like meatball, I guess_.

"…Just be sure to chop that meatball into fine little pieces. Faces or large tentacles on the plate do have tendency to spook people out."

"…Right. Then we'll go with this one." Jungo nodded, satisfied.

Nearly reaching the end of his patience himself, Hiro was less concerned about the process of choosing demon. The most important part was to get the demon into a pot, a pan, or any sort of cooking utensil in the first place.

Hiding behind an upturned truck, Hiro instructed his team to take their position. Unlike the hare, it was the first time they would attempt to take on an opponent as tough as Legion.

Hiro and Jungo took the lead in the assault.

However, having eyes facing every direction did certainly kept Legion immune from surprise attack. Soon enough, it noticed the hostile presences and began to cast a spell of its own, but Hiro was slightly faster.

_Paral Eyes!_

The spell was lightly shrugged off by Legion.

_Crap, this Meatball here is resistant to ailme-_

"I won't let you hurt Hiro!" Jungo followed close behind and knocked Legion out of balance before its spell could come into effect.

The blast of ice missed Hiro by a hairbreadth.

"Nice going there, Jungo."

"Watch out! It still is trying something!"

Unperturbed by Jungo's ambush, Legion attempted to cast another spell. However, another interruption came in the form razor sharp shards of ice that rained down on the unsuspecting demon.

"Hee ho, you no harm my friend, ho." Coming to their rescue was Jack Frost, although its magic only seemed to succeed in ticking off Legion even more.

Bam!

"Arghhh!" Acquiring a new target, Legion rammed Hiro and Jungo out of the way and broke through their flank. Apparently fed up that its spell was constantly interrupted, the demon resorted to physical strength instead.

_NOO, Mister Frosty!_

Hiro watched in horror as his Jack Frost was helplessly rolled over and flattened in what seemed to be a horrendously mismatched bowling game.

_Bastard! You'll pay for turning Mister Frosty into shaved ice…_

Legion hurled its mass forward, attempting to ram Hiro down again. This time, however, the result was different.

Hiro withstood the attack, although with a little of the shield spell he'd just casted. The small opening gave Hiro the chance to reveal his trump card.

"Target within kill zone. Alright, Botis, fry his ass!"

The said demon came out of hiding, ready to deal the finishing blow.

_Ziodyne!_

Multiple bolts of lightning struck down from above, leaving only split second for Jungo and Hiro to jump away before they would be caught up in the blast.

When the smoke cleared, Legion was incapacitated and, within moment, surrounded.

Then came the usual routine.

"YoU DOn'T HuRT MEEE! YoU DOn'T HuRT MEEE WItH KnIFE!"

Exchanging glance with Jungo, Hiro nodded in agreement. Both men had come to a unanimous conclusion.

"YEsssSSS! YEsssSSS! YoU LEt ME gO!"

SShink!

"NNnnOOOO! LeeGiiOONN HuRTTT! LeeGiiOONN HuRTTT!"

THUNK! SLASH! CRASH!

"UGaRgHHH! "

And the deed was done.

**JPs Tokyo Branch (Cafeteria) **- **12.00AM**

The last two and a half hours flew by in a flurry with all the preparation Hiro and Jungo had to make.

With some luck, they'd managed to transform the captured abomination into a portion size chawanmushi, albeit the process was not easy.

Legion's resistance to physical damage wasn't just for show. Cutting up the demon into bite size pieces was a huge and bloody labor. For a moment, Hiro contemplated finding an extra help in the form of Gozuki, but ultimately decided against it. There was no reason to wreck the kitchen anymore than they already had.

Long strenuous hours of cooking mishaps later and finally the fruit of their labor had been placed before respective seat of the lunch table. The no entry sign and a padlock performed their job nicely in keeping unwanted guests away…that was to say everyone else in the headquarter.

What little time they had left was used to destroy all remaining evidences so that the next person to enter the kitchen wouldn't be traumatized that their kitchen had been turned into a setting for a slasher film.

After dumping the remains into the waste chute, cleaning bloodstain off the kitchen, a quick wash up, and a change out of bloodied cloth, everything was perfect.

Being the first to arrive, Hiro watched patiently as his test subjects entered the room and took their seat. With the exception of Makoto, who was undoubtedly out on business, all of his usual crews were present.

_Welcome to lunch and I, Chef Horror, will be your host for the day_

Just to not garner too much suspicion, Hiro would begin to question just the few around him then widen his scope later on.

He took a glance at the seats to his next to him.

_Daichi and Io, huh?They would make a good place to start._

Reminding himself to wipe the maniacal grin off his face, Hiro turned to address his seatmate.

"Hey, Io, how it's going?"

"Oh…Hiro-kun, you are early today…"

"I'm kind of looking forward to lunch. Quite a lot happened after breakfast."

"I see…You must be hungry. You were out since the morning, after all…"

"Yeah, I'm famished." Hiro replied and scooped Legion chawanmushi into his mouth in a brisk tempo. "While we are on this topic, what don't you try the chawanmushi?"

"…O-Oh, I'll give it a try…" Following his suggestions, Io took a few small sips from her spoon. "It is quite okay, I think."

"Does it seem any different from usual?" Knowing Io, he would have to give her a little push to get his answer. "You know you can tell me what's on your mind."

"Well…in that case, I'm not sure if it's just me, but this seems a little..."

"Different from the other days, you mean?"

"I'm not saying that it's bad or anything. It might even be somewhat better than yesterday's."

"Yeah, it's completely different from yesterday. Just when I was becoming tired of the usual meal." Daichi chimed in.

_Lo and behold, Meatball, your performance is been utmost satisfactory._

Feeling smug, Hiro decided that throwing in a little hint wouldn't hurt. "The ingredient must've been fresher."

"Is it? How did you know that?"

"…Call it a hunch."

"I agree. It does taste that way." Io nodded in agreement after a few seconds of pondering.

"Either way, I really don't care whether it's fresher or not…The taste is all that matters!" Proudly proclaiming his simplemindedness, Daichi raised the bowl to his lips and scooped down the delightful mixture of egg and tender meat in one big gulp.

With a knowing grin, Hiro chuckled. "Just don't regret your words later on."

"Of course, I won't. Dude, you're acting strange. Is there something wrong?"

"No, nothing wrong, nothing wrong at all." Leaving the blissfully oblivious Daichi to work on his side dish, Hiro scanned the table from left to right.

Most have already finished the meal and none seemed to have caught on to this real nature of this menu. In fact, most even seem to enjoy this fresh meal better than the usual ration from JPs, a phenomenal success on his and Jungo's part. Now he just had to feed them a few more specimens before he could…

"Hiro-kun, do you know what meat is this?" Coming to taste Legion meat boiled to perfect tenderness, Io couldn't help but had a questioning look on her face.

"Hmm, I'm not sure either." Silently apologizing to Io, Hiro feigned innocence. He had to be careful not to make it a habit. As of late, he was becoming far too comfortable with telling lies to his friends.

"I think it is a little too tough for it to be pork and its smell is too different from lamb or beef…"

"It might be different type of meat. Maybe, we are just not used to it."

"Well, you might be right…" Io muttered thoughtfully and scooped up another spoonful of chawanmushi, although she immediately froze as she peered down. "Uhh…um…Hiro-kun, I really think you should see this…"

"Hmm?"

Showing some hesitation, Io meekly showed her spoon that had just scooped up an offending article.

Laying limply on the utensil was a piece of slimy…flaccid…red…tentacle._…_

A single glance was capable of causing Daichi to recoil backward in shock, his face growing paler by the second. "…Woah! What is that?! Now I'm really curious…What in the world is this thing?"

"That's a good question. I would like to know what we have been eating as well." Hinako chimed in and peered down to observe the mysterious tentacle. Finding herself to lack even the slightest idea, she turned to the next person in line.

"Jungo, what do you think?"

_Futile effort, _Hiro thought and quickly wiped the smug grin from his face_. As my accomplice, Jungo's mouth is sealed shut-_

"This? It's Legion meat."

_Gah, flapping open, more like…_

"I-I'm sorry can please say it again…I couldn't quite hear you." In a clearly disturbed manner, Io asked to confirm a certain realization.

"I said. It's Legion meat-"

"Oh, Jungo must have meant it's a special type of octopus! That's why there is a tentacle. Isn't that right, Jungo?" Hiro intervened, sending a glare at Jungo to make him play along.

The atmosphere became tenser by the second.

"Isn't… that… right?" Hiro's repeated his question, stressing every syllable in the hope that Jungo would understand their current situation.

"Well, it does look like an octopus…But it has way too many faces and tentacles and was …"

Momentary silence ensued as the listeners began to realize the implication of Jungo's answer.

_Nice job, Jungo, against all the forces of common sense, you've just dropped the guillotine on both our asses._

By this time, the conversation had already gathered the attention of nearly everyone in the table who heard the word "Legion" and "meat" being said in the same phrase.

"..Hiro." Hinako narrowed her eyes dangerously.

"Yes?"

"By any chance, would you happen to have anything to do with this?"

"It's a bit far-fetch to suspect me just because of what I said in the morning, isn't it? Besides, we are not yet certain that what Jungo said is true."

_Calm down. They have no evidence to prosecute me_._ The bloodstain was washed away and we were careful while sneaking that fleshy ball of horror into the kitchen._

"…Yeah right." Airi's suspicious tone made it clear that she didn't believe him in the least. "Why don't you tell us where have you been since breakfast?"

Hiro didn't waver at her question. A well-made excuse should be able to get him off the hook, but before he could say a single word…

"We were out hunting demon." Keita answered in his stead.

_A plague on your blabbering mouth!_

"But before you would ask, I have nothing to do with these two morons and their idea of feeding us demon."

_And your traitorous ass!_

The dining table erupted in chaos. It was clear that all the hateful glares were directed at Jungo…and him.

_Aww shit, time for a tactical retreat._

"Jungo!"

"R-Right!" As the instinct of self preservation kicked in, two realizations finally dawned on Jungo. First, he had made a grave mistake and, second, danger was approaching much faster than he could imagine.

Both men immediately jumped from their respective seat and darted for the door.

As a backup plan, Hiro already had an escape route ready. He intentionally took the seat that would lead straight to the exit. If he could just dodge the first blow then door would be within reach.

Of course, Airi wouldn't make things too easy for him.

"Like I'll let you get away."

Leaping across the table was Airi with both legs stretched forward.

However, with half of his attention reserved to prepare for her flying drop kick, Hiro's timing to duck was perfect.

Airi right feet passed through him and found its landing place…in the middle of Jungo's back.

_Bang! Crash!_

"UwahhhH!"

Forcing himself not to look back, Hiro pushed on forward.

_Forgive me, Jungo...but a man have to save his own hide_.

It was time to forget Semper Fi. Leaving no man behind would mean getting no one out alive.

The door was just ahead. The knob was just a few steps away from-

Just when the way out was so close, Hiro braked. There was already one other who used the commotion to beat to him the door, Fumi.

"Going somewhere?"

As always, her eyes were out of focus, but in each of her hand was laptop, the oversized one she usually lugged around and occasionally used as murder weapon.

Hiro gulped.

He wouldn't need any more reassurance of how deadly, in quite a literal sense, she could be with this piece of equipment in hand.

"Look here, Fumi, you are smart so I know you would understand. I mean an innovator must keep his mind open for new radical possibility."

"While you are correct in saying that eating demon might have been possible, but experimenting by yourself without inviting me is kind of cold, don't you agree?"

Hiro shivered. All that he could see in her eyes was a complete indifference to the fate that awaits him.

Ahhh, the door was only a few paces away, but why oh why did it seem so infinitely far.

As the sound of numerous footsteps approached him, Hiro resigned to the fact that he had no where left to run.

"Got you both!" Airi proclaimed, flexing her leg muscle.

"Hiro-kun, I-I can't believe you would lie to us like that."

"That's not cool, dude! Absolutely not cool!"

"You better give us an explanation and don't you dare lie to us this time."

_Very well, even if I should die here, my life will be used to further this cause._

"Alright, everyone, please calm down and let me explain. This is going take quite some time, so I would like to request your patience. I'd only find it fit to start my explanation by a saying that-"

"Save the excuse to yourself, you idiotic freak!"

_THUNK!_

The sole of Airi's feet dropped down like a hammer, nailed Hiro at the top of his head, and caused him to drop to the ground like a sack.

With murderous gleam in her eyes, the she-devil menacingly approached him and Jungo. "Now it's time for punishment!"

"No wait, wait, WAIT!"

_THUNK! BASH! CRASH! SNAP!_

"Ugarrrrhhhhhh!"

Their voices cried out in unison. The sound of their punishment raged on through the day.

…Needless to say, Otome was wise to have left the fray early on and prepared two more beds in the emergency ward.

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I'm using this one to test whether I should continue to write more survival theme Devil Survivor 2 fic, so please leave a comment or suggestion if possible. Also, if there's any character you wish to see invited to the next chapter please leave it in the review as well. Many Thanks!


	2. Human Resources Management

Specializing Expertise (Human Resources Management) 

**Introduction**

Hiro: Hi, dear readers. I congratulate you for having the patience not to substitute this guide for firewood in the lieu of that slipup in the last chapter. Here I'm back with more top secret survival and beside me is my assistant for this chapter, Daichi.

Daichi: Hey, everyone!

Hiro: In this second chapter, we'll deal with the topic of manpower. After the apocalypse strikes, the survivors do have the tendency to band together, providing the group with personnel of diverse skills. Nevertheless, with the daunting task of staying alive, you are soon likely to find yourself severely lacking in manpower. To make up for this, it is imperative that tasks are assigned in accordance to each person's respective expertise. The key to survival was to employ each person and use them to the best effect.

Daichi: Wait, what about me? Don't tell me I don't have any talent.

Hiro: Don't be silly. Everyone has someone can do to contribute. For that reason, I look forward to working with you, meatshield.

Daichi: Meatshield? Me?!

Hiro: Did you say something, meatshield? That's not right. You're supposed to stay silent and soak up damage for me.

Daichi: Hey, that's not funny! Not funny at all!

Hiro: Don't be so jumpy, man. That was a joke. Have you forgotten your true ability, the one true talent of suicide bombing?

Daichi: Right…so that's it, suicide bombing that certainly sounds useful…Wait! What?!

**JPS Tokyo Branch (9.00AM)**

Once again, it seemed to be too much to ask for a peaceful morning in the JPS Tokyo headquarter. The dainty silence was shattered by the pair that was chasing each other down the hallway at their top speed.

"Stop following me around!"

"Agree to help me then!"

On any ordinary day Hiro and Daichi would be inseparable, but this was one rare occasion in which there seemed to be an insane glint in Hiro's eyes. As experience had taught him, Daichi knew that it was the time when his best friend wouldn't just simply cross the boundary of reason but dash through without a single glance back, cackling madly all the while.

Indeed, it was time to avoid Hiro like a plague.

"Hell no, man. Hell no. Just hell no!"

"Give it some thought! ASSAULT DIVE!"

"Ugahhh!"

The two tumbled down along the way after Hiro downed Daichi with a diving shoulder tackle.

"Come now, why don't we carry out this talk like two civilized human being?"

"Yes…that would be good…that's excellent, so why don't you take your…arm…off…my…neck?!" Daichi screamed, but failed to release himself from Hiro who was applying a headlock with the same dazzling smile.

"This? Oh, this? This is just a…leverage, you know, something to ease your decision making process."

"Great! I get to choose?"

"Of course, I'm a generous man, so I'd like to recruit you willingly. Let's see, would you like to join me now or being choked into joining me?"

"What's the difference then?!"

'The difference is that one is marginally less painful than the other. Don't sweat the details. From this moment onward, you are a key member in this secret Operation Super Charge! Is there any question, soldier?"

"…Yessir, where the hell can I hand in my resignation?"

"Come on, spare me some trust here."

"Dude, I can't trust anything that goes by that name! What the hell are we doing anyway?"

"Nothing more dangerous than usual…" said Hiro with an angelic smile. "You know, just driving around…"

"That doesn't sound too bad."

"In a testosterone-filled trip of road rage, leaving flattened demons in our wake."

"…Just forget what I said. I'm out."

"You can't be opting out now. Your driving skill is imperative for its success."

Daichi remained skeptical but the talk was buttering him little by little. "Really?"

"Of course, why else would I go through all this trouble, if there's anyone else as gullible, I mean, skillful with driving as you. Be proud, man, you're the only one I could rely on. You're the only one we rely on."

"That's right…Of course, that's right."

"And who knows may be the one that Io would rely on as well."

"That's right! Yeah! Way to go me! Let me do it! Let me do it, please!"

_Way to go, Schumacher. You're the only driver that could be talked into going with this insane mess of a plan. _

"Did you say something?"

"It must be your imagination." Hiro dropped the matter with a smile on his face. In truth, he had his fair share of excitement. He could barely wait to watch this small scale reenactment of the skill that proved to be a decisive blow to Dubhe.

Of course, being in the testing stage, they would go after smaller target than the multi-colored cone of doom and, with him taking the emergency support role, everything would be alright. There was simply no way his plan could go wrong...

…

…

…On a completely unrelated matter, he heard that the good fortune bringer, Biliken, is being auctioned at a bargain price.

**Shinjuku (10.00AM)**

An early morning report indicated that a dozen of Nozuchi were wrecking havoc in the area of Shinjuku, now a mere remnant of the once busy commercial street. The timing of the incident couldn't be any better. Hiro immediately volunteered himself and the reluctant and groaning Daichi to deal with the demons.

Behind one the upturned vehicle that lined the street, Hiro observed his targets gathering in flock. His role in the plan was that of a decoy. Daichi went in search of any vehicle.

By the time of his arrival, the Nozuchi seemed to have been done with their rampage and were lazing along the ground, easy targets for Daichi to crush under the merciless wheels, but Hiro thought he could bring the challenge up a notch.

After climbing on top of his improvised barricade, Hiro took a deep breath and shouted at the top of his lungs. "Hey! HEY! Catch me if you can you loafing piles of asses!"

For the first few seconds, the Nozuchi were startled by the insult. It was unthinkable that a human would attempt to provoke demons in this manner. Most human reacted to their presence by screaming, trembling, or running the hell away from them.

"I said to try and catch me turd face!"

After a while, the Nozuchi did recover and set out after Hiro in rage. Ridiculous as the demons might seem, their legs packed quite enough strength to kill a man and, in pack, they could prove to be deadly, but Hiro was far from being helpless.

Several Gozukis and Mezukis rushed out in his defense and formed a defensive line. The Nozuchi were kept at bay.

_Perfect…Ahh, how can my plan be any more perfect? _

Riiinnnngggg!

The familiar melody interrupted Hiro's episode of narcissistic indulgence. Judging that Gozuki and Mezuki would be enough keep the enemies at bay until Daichi's arrival, he turned his attention to his cell phone.

_A new message? Now? _

A glance at the sender's name had him frozen for a second.

Nicaea - the death face delivery site, the name was written clearly on screen.

The message compelled Hiro into making another call. This was a serious matter, one that he could not overlook. An immediate action had to be taken.

"Hello? Customer support for demon auction? Don't, huh, me! I want reimbursement for my purchased Biliken…! Cause he's rip-off that's why…! Well, it's either that or he's one piss-poor god of luck! No return policy?! Some customer service, you are. Where's your manager?!"

…For the time being, Daichi seemed to be left on his own to overcome this plight.

* * *

"Like I said, don't make this sound so easy..." Daichi cursed profusely. He had no confidence in the plan, not even in the slightest bit, but he had tumbled in too far with this mad man to back down.

Most of the vehicle that scattered on the road failed to make an impression upon him. What he need wasn't something for ordinary transportation, but something sturdy to withstand demon, something bigger, stronger, and more badass. He needed a monster machine.

As if guided by fate, there was one that parked right before him, waiting silently in the ruin of Shinjuku.

The monster stood before Daichi, staring at him with its headlamp. Its burly metallic frame was left untouched despite all of the surrounding destruction. It nothing short of majestic, the king of the road, and it was beckoning him.

Withholding his breath in awe, Daichi slipped into the driver seat of a looming ten-wheeler as if in a trance.

A twist of key later and the engine came alive with a small hum. The vehicle seemed to have been abandoned by its driver in fright that the key was left in the compartment and the door hanged open loosely. What a fool to have abandoned such a powerful weapon.

With some difficulty, the vehicle eased onto the road and began to pick up speed.

The line of Nozuchi stood before the juggernaut, completely absorbed in their attempt to charge pass Gozuki and Mezuki.

SPLAT!

A few were mowed down instant as massive steel wheels rolled them over. Their remains left abandoned on the ground…

"Yes! Yes! Did you see that? Did you see that, you damn demons? YEE-HAW!"

But Daichi's moment of victory had failed to receive the admiration it deserved for meanwhile…

"One-fourth? Are you kidding?! It was just a few hours, since I bought that little critter!"

Back toward Daichi's side, the remaining Nozuchi gathered against the manmade juggernaut, mankind's worst enemy pitted against the very force of technology that had risen them to the very top of the foodchain.

The duel was on.

…Or not

It was a massacre

The Nozuchi's best attempt to bring Daichi down with the ice spell was foiled by the sheer endurance of the vehicle, leaving another unfortunate demon was left flattened on the road.

"Wahahahahaha! Stay down demon! You are no match for the might of my dreadnaught!"

It was Daichi's moment of crowning, the first time that he could come to savor the sense of absolute superiority over other beings.

_Daichi learned a new skill. _

_Roadkill (Command Skill) - Severe physical damage to all enemy in straight line (range and dimension depending on the vehicle used). The user would be subjected to 30% chance of crash, causing physical damage and immobilization._

The vehicle empowered him. With it, he was powerful. With it, he was unstoppable. With it, he was…invincible.

"WAHAHAHA! Those that don't want to die prostrate themselves before me! Beg, mongrels! Beg, so that you might be spared!"

… _Oh…right, Daichi…. He's already here?_

"Hey, Daichi, would you kindly get out of the car now."

"Watch your language, peasant! No one may command me!"

The screech of tire drowned out Hiro's voice as Daichi slammed the brake for a sharp u-turn.

With a small shrug, Hiro began to resume filing his complaints. Everything would be fine, if Daichi could maintain his kill streak.

…If only that was the case.

Among the rest that bounce off the steel frame, several chunks of ice became lodged in the front tires. Unsurprisingly, both tires exploded as soon as Daichi began to pick up speed.

"Shiiitt!"

The vehicle ran face first into the nearby store where it was trapped by the flock of rage-filled Nozuchi that closed in upon the crash site. Their mind was unified in getting a taste of the sweet, sweet flavor of revenge.

The crash seemed to snap Daichi out of his temporary insanity.

"Oh shit! Oh shit! Help me!"

"That feature of the demon wasn't meant to be taken literally? Then this is a case of false advertising, you moron!"

"Dude!"

"Half price?! This is an insult! I'm far from satisfied with your half-assed attempt!"

"Duuude!"

"Well, fine, but I expect that sum to be in my account within an hour! Thank for nothing, mongrels!"

"DUDE! Stop talking on the phone and help me!"

"Right…Welcome back to the real world, your highness. Now would you kindly put the car in reverse."

"R-Right!" Shifting gear, Daichi slammed his foot on the gas pedal. The wheel whirred, but the vehicle failed to make any movement. "Shit! It can't move!"

Up till this point, the turn of events had faithfully followed the deathclip. Hiro might've failed to stop the very personification of road rage, namely Daichi, but he wasn't careless as to not come without out a backup plan.

"Stop them…" To intercept the entire horde, he needed a demon with a wide-range spell. There was one that fits the requirement better than any others. "…..Pumpkin Head!"

"Ho- hee-ho! I'll torch them all with my flame, ho!" A pyro jack tumbled out of Hiro's cell phone, apparently itching to join in the fight.

"Don't hold back! Barbeque their assses!"

"You don't have to say that twice!"

Purely by chance, it was in that moment that Hiro had laid his eyes upon a crucial piece of information regarding Daichi's choice of vehicle.

_Extreme hazard: highly flammable material. _

Somehow the bold black letters written on a contrasting yellow background and a clear illustration of skull and flame for additional effect seemed to have eluded him. Therefore, logically the dripping sound from the crash site would have to mean that…

_Well, shit…_

"Abort mission! Haul your ass right back here!"

"Ho, Master, it's been sometime, since you called. Having me out wouldn't hurt, hee ho!"

_It'll hurt...badly. Those idiots are rampaging their arse off on a barbeque stove. _

Hiro cursed his luck. Of all the available time, this was when his demon chose to be rebellious. "Fine then, you little bastard! Just don't you dare make even a spark!"

"Booo, that's no fun!"

"**Don't**-use-your-spell!"

"Hee-ho, fine then! I ain't gonna torch them."

Pyro Jack without the use of fire spell would only prove to be marginally stronger than a single Nozuchi, but the distraction it could provide was valuable for him to summon others demon for support.

The situation seemed to be going well, but, for some reason, Hiro still couldn't shake away the feeling that he'd forgotten something…something very important.

"Hee-ho, I'll thrash'em up front!" Lacking even the slightest notion of danger, PyroJack rushed onward. The small lantern, it carried made small chinging sound with every movement.

_Wait a second… Lantern…? _

…_Processing information. _

… _Note to self, need to ask for blessing from Omoikane for more brain power._

"Wait, Pumpkin Head! Pull back! Abort mission!"

"BANZAIIII!"

"Weapons down! Weapon downs! COME BACCKKK!"

There was no combination worse than an overly enthusiastic Pyro Jack and a leaking fuel tank.

_Ringg…_

Another message.

Having fairly good idea about the content, Hiro flipped his cell phone and braced for the worst.

_Racial skill ranked up. Daichi's "roadkill" has become "roadside explosion"_

Hiro gulped. The message was anything but reassuring.

_Roadside Explosion (Auto Skill)_

_Automatic activation after the use of the command skill roadkill with specific type of vehicle. Inflict severe fire damage to all units within 30 meters radius. 100% chance of the user being incapacitated after use._

"Uh-oh-"

BOOM!

A blast of flame engulfed the entire battlefield, sending the entire horde of demon that surrounded the truck to their infernal demise. Screams of agony overlapped the blast of explosion.

"How is it, Master? I took out them all out in one blow, Ho!"

"Indeed…For the achievement of burning down every life in this block, I promote you to an official title of Pyromaniac Jack."

"Aww, Master, you flatter me."

"That was not meant to be a compliment, but oh well…"

The flame raged on with Daichi's painful scream in its midst…

* * *

A rescue attempt and a samarecarm later, Daichi was wobbling alongside Hiro on their peaceful trek back home.

"The experiment was a grand success. We have to run it again…"

"Hell no, I'm fine only one trial! I already saw a couple of those angel chicks flying around before you dragged me out. "

"So it's like a preview to the real thing. Man, I'm envious, so you're going to heaven…"

"I'm too young to die! I don't even have a girlfriend!"

"But you know, being a hero is the best way to impress them girls and who can be a hero without taking any a little risk."

Daichi stalled his feet just as he began to walk away. The bait was taken

"The girl would swoon over you and Io might be so impressed. You know like those moments after the hero save the girl on silver screen. She'll squeal delightfully "my hero!" and then they'll lean in closer …"

"And?! And?! What's next?!"

"What's next, huh? Well, I guess you'll have to…find out for yourself..."

"Right…Right! Let me do it then."

"I wouldn't imagine stealing your glory."

…_And pain…loads of pain... _

_At least, I'm sure that Pyromaniac Jack would be thrilled to have a new partner_

At the moment Daichi was oblivious to the fact that he had just signed his death warrant.

It took literally two minutes into the next battle before his new-found ability would be abused by the trigger-happy hand of Hiro Kageyama.

Within the first few days of his new job, Daichi was turned into human-explosive for more times than any suicide bomber. Even the newly bestowed title of "Captain Kamikaze" seemed to grant him little justice.

* * *

If there is any character that you want to see as the (most unfortunate) guest in the next chapter, please tell me in the review. Meanwhile, please review the story, if it's not too much of a trouble. Many Thanks!


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